the twisted gardens of the mind

letter to client

good afternoon ms. important-pants, ph.d.,

i would like to apologize for the apparent miscommunication between you and our team which necessitated that you cc: us, our boss, your boss, and every tangentially-related person in creation, on your email about how you didn’t receive what you wanted.

as an aside, i would like to commend your agency on its careful cultivation of english as a foreign language. i was not aware of any other official dialects of american english (outside of ebonics), but it seems i have not followed recent developments as closely as i should have. i’m curious if you are able to leverage your dialect as a method to procuring more grants as a “protected minority” (eg, “rich, unable to use dictionary”)?

returning to the point at hand, i agree that it is of utmost importance that there be a written understanding of our deliverables to you, as you are either unable to specify them in a clear fashion or you have only provided this information to your imaginary associate who unfortunately neglected to pass it along before we completed our original work.

we are currently working to rectify this situation however and should have a revised dataset as soon as you can respond to my attached request for clarification on your “clear specs”.

best regards,

[signed], f.u.

p.s.: if i am to understand correctly, congratulations are in order for your entry to the oxford dictionary being considered!!

symmetric difference -noun (mathematics)

a list of set A that did not match set B and a list of set B that did not match set A. essentially, the left-overs.

kudos! your precision and dedication to accuracy are sure a credit to the institution that awarded you a doctorate; or at least the government agency you are director of. or a ferret.


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