last week, on irregular polytopiary…
[close-up shot]: i sit by the computer, drumming my fingers. bored.
[another close-up shot]: i pull the phone away from my face. i look shocked and annoyed.
[shot, starts close, but pulls out, showing the rest of the room]: i sit at the computer, playing angry birds.
[shot, a building outside of a generic metro area]: an explosion rocks the building, all windows are blown outward in a spray of glass.
[shot, camera moves upward but stays centered on my face, slow change of focus to my fist]: me, standing in the middle of the living room, addressing the cats (one is sitting under and one is stretched out on top of the coffee table, and another off to the side, quietly cleaning her paw with her tongue), shaking my fist at the sky.
[shot, my kitchen]: my expression goes blank and i drop the pot of coffee. [cut to close-up of the coffee pot, inches off the floor, falling in super slow motion]: it hits the floor and breaks.
and now, the next exciting episode…
thu / 5.45.am – i receive an update from the 2nd tech i twittered with. he says there was signaling issues and asks if a tech had been out. i respond (at the more reasonable hour of 12.30.pm) that the issue had cleared up on its own, and asked if there was a problem with the modem. he responds that “it could come and go. we’ll keep an eye on it.”
thu / 1.30.pm – i receive a comment on the last comcast post: an apology and request for details of my experience. i find some of the comment baffling, as she asserts that their social media/support reps are online until 1.am EST.
sun / 2.45.pm – i get home from brunch and am having the same packet loss problems as before. i send an email to the address provided in the comment, and cc: the 2nd tech that i had sent stuff to before. as i have a project deadline looming and cannot work on it, i, annoyed, proceed to annoy everyone else (cats included) in the house.
sun / 6.30.pm – magically, the problem disappears again.
mon / 11.00.am – i receive an email from an executive customer relations person. she would like to contact me regarding my complaint. i’m, of course, at work, and completely forget to respond.
tue / 9.30.am – i receive a 2nd email from this person, asking to contact me. i respond that i can talk to her on wed (today).
wed / 10.30.am – working from home today, and guess what? high packet loss. i call the number provided by the executive customer relations person, but get only a recorded message that the offices are closed and that business hours are …well, right now. i send off an annoyed email about the phone recording, as well as mentioning that i am supremely frustrated that i now have to go into the office to work.
really, what i want to say is that right then i should be logged onto the VPN, coding, wearing a tshirt & boxers, with a kitten on my lap, and a beer resting near my mouse.
she responds back, asking if there’s a number she can reach me at. at this point, however, i am running out the door and have a train to catch.
wed / 1.15.pm – after several increasingly terse emails, a technician is scheduled to be sent out tomorrow to check out the line. of course, this means i will be super-late for work again (like i was today).
and just because i’m on the subject, the longest standing thorn in my side about comcast is that their stated speed (for our package) is 20Mbps (~ 2.5 mb/s). i don’t think i’ve ever seen it push past 16Mbps, which is the rated speed of the next lower package – and $10 less a month (it doesn’t sound like much, but that’s almost an entire month’s internet+cable bill over the course of a year).
dear thoughtless in el cerrito,
i know it’s not rush hour, but standing in front of the sole working ticket machine, attempting to pick out your destination station from an alphabetized list, for more than 20 seconds pegs you as mentally handicapped or a twat.
glaring at me when i ask you to stand aside, so i can transact my business, is definitely snooty, but moving back to your former position, as soon as i’m done, to further ponder deeply where exactly you are planning to end this journey of self-discovery and how much it will cost to get you there – in front of the other people in line – is downright rude and cunty.
ripple of evil: i hope you lose your ticket and are forced to pay full fare. as a result, you swear off public transit forever and drive into the city tomorrow to meet your girlfriends for some shopping at macy’s. while on the bay bridge, the new katy perry song comes on the radio and you crank it up. in the few moments your attention is diverted, you miss the S-curve at treasure island and flip your car over the rail. it lands on the rocks below and paramedics arriving on the scene pronounce you extra dead.
there is a story about it on sfgate, but someone, correctly, comments: “and nothing of value was lost“.