the twisted gardens of the mind

Archive for March, 2012

why we should nuke wyoming instead of iran

wyoming wants you to believe that all your base are belong to wyoming. while i guess living in wyoming would make anyone a little stir crazy, this is really a worst case scenario.

Wyoming Republican legislator David Miller, who introduced a bill in the state legislature that would give the state the power, in an “emergency,” to create its own standing army through conscription, print its own currency, acquire military aircraft, suspend the legislature, and establish martial law. “Things happen quickly sometimes—look at Libya, look at Egypt, look at those situations,” Miller told the Star-Tribune in Casper, Wyoming. Repeating arguments employed by every military dictatorship over the past century, Miller declared, “We wouldn’t have time to meet as a Legislature or even in special session to do anything to respond.” Miller’s so-called “doomsday law” was defeated in the Wyoming legislature Tuesday by the narrow margin of 30-27. (

what happens when wyoming feels threatened by colorado’s superior technology industry? when they get the munchies and decide that idaho is going to be “their exclusive potato chip providing partner”? what happens when they don’t want to pay for all those potato chips??

simple: in a potato emergency, wyoming will be able to was almost able to draft civilians into their private wyoming army, acquire some f-16s for the wyoming air force, and start invading the rest of the country. to back them up, wyoming is home to francis e. warren air force base and their arsenal of over 150 “on-alert” ICBMs.

bitches, that lost by THREE votes. how in the fuck does wyoming come THREE votes from being able to print their very own money?

so that’s why we should nuke wyoming instead of iran — they’re a whole hotbed of domestic republican terrorists just waiting to strike and they’re ALREADY GOT NUCLEAR WEAPONS. oh, and obviously, no compunction whatsoever about putting YOU (you, being citizens of wyoming) on the front line in the war against…


…the war on “situations”, involving hoi polloi?


Andrew Breitbart Death Ruled “Death by Autoerotic Myocardial Infarction”

andrew breitbart loved to stir up controversy.

and now, barely 12 hours after his death, people all throughout the twit-verse are calling for congressional investigations, hearings (and other retarded wastes of time and money) into why he is no longer with us.

the pink liberal fascist assassins of obama killed breitbart.

obama killed breitbart over videotape of obama college gay coke party.

breitbart knew too much and paid the ultimate price.

but i submit to you that andrew breitbart may have only been a victim of a moment of inspired prescience – hear me out for a second:

he suddenly realized that if he could suddenly die under suspicious circumstances, a “perfect storm” of delusional media santorum would froth up. he could see this tidal wave of class warfare, caused by his martyrdom, sweeping across a torn nation. he imagined an army of “neo-andys” raising up, fighting in his name, for neo-con ideals – WHITE HETEROSEXUAL MALE SUPERIORITY! POLITICAL NEO-CONSERVATISM! YES! THE 1%! CAPITALISM! YES! YES!

and suddenly, his body just could no longer stand it: heart attack by masturbatory self delusion.

now, isn’t that so much easier to believe than a gay immigrant liberal hit squad?