the twisted gardens of the mind

bad idea jeans

why we should nuke wyoming instead of iran

wyoming wants you to believe that all your base are belong to wyoming. while i guess living in wyoming would make anyone a little stir crazy, this is really a worst case scenario.

Wyoming Republican legislator David Miller, who introduced a bill in the state legislature that would give the state the power, in an “emergency,” to create its own standing army through conscription, print its own currency, acquire military aircraft, suspend the legislature, and establish martial law. “Things happen quickly sometimes—look at Libya, look at Egypt, look at those situations,” Miller told the Star-Tribune in Casper, Wyoming. Repeating arguments employed by every military dictatorship over the past century, Miller declared, “We wouldn’t have time to meet as a Legislature or even in special session to do anything to respond.” Miller’s so-called “doomsday law” was defeated in the Wyoming legislature Tuesday by the narrow margin of 30-27. (wsws.org)

what happens when wyoming feels threatened by colorado’s superior technology industry? when they get the munchies and decide that idaho is going to be “their exclusive potato chip providing partner”? what happens when they don’t want to pay for all those potato chips??

simple: in a potato emergency, wyoming will be able to was almost able to draft civilians into their private wyoming army, acquire some f-16s for the wyoming air force, and start invading the rest of the country. to back them up, wyoming is home to francis e. warren air force base and their arsenal of over 150 “on-alert” ICBMs.

bitches, that lost by THREE votes. how in the fuck does wyoming come THREE votes from being able to print their very own money?

so that’s why we should nuke wyoming instead of iran — they’re a whole hotbed of domestic republican terrorists just waiting to strike and they’re ALREADY GOT NUCLEAR WEAPONS. oh, and obviously, no compunction whatsoever about putting YOU (you, being citizens of wyoming) on the front line in the war against…

uh..

…the war on “situations”, involving hoi polloi?


Today’s Suckfest: Arianna Huffington and Lateness

I don’t know what slow boat I was on; what drugs I may have been snuck, or what rock I was napping under….but when the hell did Arianna Huffington sell the Huffington Post to AOL.  AOL?  As in AOL Time Warner?  As in the world’s leading media conglomerate and information redactor that she has been railing against for like 8 years.  Did she spend some time in a pod? What other reason can there be?  Oh, 315 Million reasons it seems.  315 Million Dollars should make her feel more secure than her piddly 35 Million in the Bank.

Update:  Will just came home and informed me that everyone already knows this (and that I knew too) CONSPIRACY of LIES! Regardless is all raises the question….why is no one filled with the Rages?

She has pissed off scientists (check it out); the Newspaper Guild, and well….moi.

Arianna is a Pimp.  She’s out on the street cashing in by selling something that doesn’t even BELONG to her.  The HuffPost’s best asset (besides its now tainted name) is its content–and the content is provided for free by Bloggers.  Bloggers who donate their time and energy because they want to create a space where you can hear news of interest to progressives/lefties/anarchists/and yes hippies.  And now they’re working for free for AOL Timewarner?  PIMP!

So, Arianna Huffington will become the first so-called Lefty to be placed on the Die In Fire list.  And to all of you who didn’t call, text, post, tweet, share, email, or yell this travesty to me…You may be next.


lawneurysm

that was almost me today. my wonderful gf would have come home from work to find me: dead on the couch, a trickle of blood from my nose, and the cats probably chewing on my fingers. why?

well, let me back up several hours: this afternoon, in a stroke of i can totally do that myself, i pulled the old push-lawn mower out of the gardening shed and mowed the lawn. and by lawn, i really mean several long narrow strips of grass that would fill maybe 5% of my grandparent’s yard, which i used to mow when i was a teenager.

oh, wait. it has literally been more than 20 years since i’ve touched a lawn mower, let alone tried to assault anything with one. but seriously, what could go wrong? by the time i was done, my thighs hurt, my shoulders hurt – it took all my strength to drag the mower to the side of the house and then stumble inside to the couch, where i tried to rehydrate, as if i’d just tried out for the olympic track team in 110° heat.

so there i lay, for an unknown length of time. waiting for the throbbing in my head and neck to subside. considering my near miss with a deadly lawneurysm.

considering the idea that a gardener would be totally worth my money.